The Famous Anthony DiNozzo Quotes & DiNozzo-isms

We've all heard the famous quotes, jokes and phrases of Anthony DiNozzo, but I've tried to put them all together in one resource, if that is even possible. DiNozzo has so many hilarious quotes that I don't know if I got them all, if you do have a favorite quote and I didn't put it on here, feel free to comment this and write it down so we can add it to this list — Thanks!

[episode—Last Man Standing]

Tony: McGoo. It's true. TV really does add 10 pounds. You been hitting the jelly doughnuts again? How do I look?

McGee to Tony: Thank you, Tony. Look after yourself. Don't fall overboard, okay?
Tony: (looks left and right, then mutters) More likely to jump.
Gibbs: DiNozzo!
Tony: (puzzled) Pa?
Gibbs: Take care of yourself.
Tony: (looks around) Miss you too, Dad.

[episode—Agent Afloat]

Dr. Nguyen : The man who went overboard?
Tony: Yeah that’d be him genius.
Dr. Nguyen : You’ve already seen these records.
Tony: And that’s the wacky nature of these cases. They’re sort of like cheap luggage. You think they’re closed and then BAM! You hit a curb, lose a wheel and they open up all over again.

Photo Art by Catherine Yetive

Tony: Nothing that screams I’m going to kill my wife and jump overboard. Well it’s pretty obvious what happened right? Evans kills his wife before he leaves, joins the ship, feels he can’t live with what he’s done and then he jumps overboard. Which is what I’m going to do if I don’t get off this ship soon!

Gibbs: You got a B-Plan DiNozzo?
Tony: B…bb…B-Plan? Plan B? Be prepared. Of course I have a Plan B. What kind of agent afloat would I be if I didn’t have a Plan-B? You…you gotta have a Plan-B. I’m all about Plan-B.
(Phone rings, Tony answers)
Tony: Plan-A. They found him.

Tony: I think I see something. A shadowy something. Down there.
McGee: Your turn.
Tony: I am the Jedi Master. You are the Padawan Learner.
(points toward the stream) Closer. Closer.
McGee: I can't get any closer.
Tony: (grabs McGee's shoulders) I've got you.
McGee: You've got me?
Tony: I'm holding you.
(McGee makes move toward stream, loses balance and falls in)
Tony: See, I told you I saw something.

[episode—Nine Lives]

Tony: I don't speak Hebrew, but I'm pretty sure you just swore. What happened? Your Men of Mossad calendar get lost in the mail?...Women of Mossad calendar get lost in the mail?

Tony: Gibbs versus Fornell. It's like Frazier-Ali or Rocky versus...everyone!

[episode—Murder 2.0]

Tony: Hmm looks like their night was ruined.
Ziva: I am going to ruin McGee’s whole year.
Tony: Don’t you think you’re being a little uptight about this photo thing?
Ziva: No, seriously what do you think he’s doing with it?
Tony: I would rather shave my eyeballs than contemplate that. [by far my favorite quote]